Learning how to live with my mistakes.

What does it mean to embrace failure? For me embracing failure is recognizing and acknowledging my mistakes and learning from them. This is not about simply feeling remorse for something I have done. It’s much more than that. It’s about getting right with myself and being comfortable with who I am regardless of any outside influence and in spite of what anyone else thinks. Embracing Failure is learning to forgive myself. More importantly, it’s about getting straight with God. Both of which can be difficult for me to do sometimes. I believe everyone goes through some serious trials in life, and all of our situations are different. There are desperate times in my life when I am going through a difficult period. It’s in these times when I find out who I truly am. What am I made of? How can I get through this? Can I take this experience and get anything positive out of it? 

This blog may come across differently than many others you have read. My name is Nick, and this is a story about the past several years of my life. I have multiple intentions for writing this blog. My first intention is to acknowledge some mistakes I have made and explain to the reader how those mistakes have resulted in the soap opera that my life has become for the better part of a decade. My second intention for writing this blog is to expose those that are behind the actions against me. If for no other reason than to let readers know that, as surreal as this story is, all of what I am writing here has happened. My final intention for writing this blog is to possibly help anyone reading this that is going through a difficult time to have a glimpse into my life. To let that person, know that, although our trials may be different, you can get through whatever issue/issues you are dealing with. Your mistakes may be extremely embarrassing. Some may believe your mistakes are outright ridiculous. Others may simply not understand. It doesn’t matter. What is important is that you can get right with yourself. You can embrace your failures. If this blog has nothing but negative feedback yet helps one person to get through their struggles, then it will be a success. There is no better feeling, after feeling woefully miserable and ashamed, than to be comfortable with who you are in spite of what others may think. In addition, nothing in this blog is intended to defame or ridicule any person or company. My intention is to expose, not ridicule those that I believe are involved in this. Company names, as well as charter’s names have been changed or hidden intentionally. The only names that are real are mine and the name of my dog, Rocky. 

This blog is intended for adults only. I cannot control who visits this blog, but there are things written here that I consider adult content. If you are under the age of 18, you should stop reading here. There are some things in this story that some might find offensive. If you are an easily offended person you should also stop reading here. This story jumps around a bit as I have a tendency to ramble sometimes. There is so much more detail to characters and incidents, and things left out that would make this story far too long. If you can read this through its entirety, I can assure you that you have never read a story like this. There are some hypotheses (theories based on facts) in this story, but nothing written here is an embellishment, fabrication or a lie.

If you have any comments, positive or negative, please use the comments section at the bottom. I am still learning about setting up this site. I have to approve the comments before they will be posted. As far as I can tell this is a default “spam prevention” setting. I intend to post all comments provided they are not completely ridiculous. I am also including an email address nick@embracefailure.blog for anyone that would prefer to interact via email.

How it all started……

I moved back to Tucson several years ago. At the time I was experiencing some issues with low testosterone and my testosterone levels being irregular. I moved back to work for “The Company” that I had worked for in the past. I really enjoyed being in Tucson the first time I was here, and I was excited to get the opportunity to come back here again. “The Company” had some negatives for me, but the 4-day work week and being back in Tucson was worth the ineptitude and union BS that I hated the first time I was here.

Within a couple of months of being back I did something very embarrassing at work that continues to haunt me to this day. I was in a coworker’s office discussing being back in Arizona and some of my experiences while I was away. I will not mention her name, but this was someone I had a bit of a crush on when I worked at “The Company” previously. “The Company” can be kind of “clickish” (think small town/high school). Anyway, I had never expressed my interest in her or tried to ask her out. Not to mention much of the time I was here previously I was involved with other people. After leaving her office, my mind started to go somewhere it shouldn’t have and I started to get an erection. I was in an outside area, and I was making it back to my office when another female employee saw me and started a conversation. I don’t honestly know at this point if I thought the “swelling had gone down enough” to not be noticeable, or why I didn’t duck into a bathroom and tell her I was having an upset stomach. Maybe with the testosterone issues it just felt good to “feel like a man again”. I really don’t know what I was thinking. Anyway, the woman that I was talking to apparently noticed it. I soon started receiving YouTube “boner” videos from coworkers. A supervisor sent several of the techs a picture of a guy with a monkey on his shoulder. The monkey had an erection. Across the top of the picture, he wrote “Is this Nick?” Utter humiliation was an understatement. What could be worse than that? “The Company” has cameras everywhere. Imagine this picture or video being captured and circulated on social media. Imagine if that picture/video was somehow being sent to anyone in my vicinity without my knowledge or consent anywhere I go. Keep reading, I assure you, that you have never read a story like this.

Making matters worse……

Within a few months of relocating to Tucson I realized I had bird mites. What the hell are bird mites? They are the terrorists of the insect world, and they are difficult to get rid of. I was not dating, I was trying to get my testosterone levels in check and now I am spending 12 hours a day on 2 of my off days cleaning my house, washing clothes and bedding in enzyme cleaner, vacuum bagging anything I did not use regularly, vacuuming and steaming carpet, washing walls. It was a crazy amount of work. During this period, I was dabbling in crypto investments, and I was investing in traditional investments as well. In doing so, I didn’t want any viruses or spyware on my network. Where am I going with this? I didn’t want to “surf porn”. I had done so in the past and I did get some malware on my system. I didn’t have a social life. I was trying to rid my house of bird mites and I was having testosterone issues. So, instead of “surfing porn”, I decided to downloaded pictures of women from the internet. Was this wrong? Absolutely, but where I was in life at the time I did it anyway. I believe that the work erection combined with the pictures I had on my laptop have given the people that have made my life utterly miserable the reasons to smear me as someone I am not. Did I do both of these things? I absolutely did, and I am genuinely sorry that I did them. 

Susan…..

I had kept up with Susan (as much as I keep up with anyone) while I was in Texas/New Mexico. When I moved back to Tucson Susan, and I picked up with our friendship like nothing ever happened. She would call when she wanted or needed something, and I would typically do what I could to help her. There is a backstory here in that Susan and I had dated for a short while several years ago. We stayed friends obviously after that and I would try to help her and her kids when I could. Several years ago, Susan had settled a lawsuit and had come into some money. She had told me that if she could ever help me, she would. A while later, I ran into some debt issues, and she “lent” me $5000. So now I am back in Tucson, Susan’s daughter and son are grown and moved on. Susan has been remarried and divorced again and now has a 1-year-old toddler. Our “friendship” mainly consists of Susan calling me when she needed or wanted something for her or her daughter. I always told Susan “I still owe you”. To be clear, I have probably given her 3-4 times what she “lent” me. Nonetheless, I always felt really bad about borrowing money from her. It’s like no matter how much I did for her, I still felt bad about borrowing money from her. Anything from giving her money, working on her house, fixing her car, buying her tires, lending her my car, helping her with numerous moves, even babysitting her daughter. Whatever she asked I always felt obligated and could never tell her no.

To digress for a second…. A crazy twist with this… One day Susan was at the house, and I was doing my weekly “bird mite remediation”. She asked me about my cleaning regiment, and I told her about the bird mites and what a pain in the ass they were. She then asked, “do the bites leave like a pimple and the mark lasts a long time”. I said “yes, how did you know that”? She said, “Oh we had those too”. Although I will never be able to prove it, I was now sure where I got the bird mites.

One week Susan asked if I could watch her daughter the upcoming Friday. Knowing I was off on Fridays this was a “typical Susan move”. I don’t think her daughter was 2 years old at this point and she was still in diapers. I thought a woman asking a 47–48-year-old man that has never had kids to watch her toddler daughter that is still in diapers was a weird thing to do. I told her no and that I would pay for a sitter instead. Susan said her sitter was busy.  I said that I would pay for a backup sitter, and she said she couldn’t find one. I reluctantly agreed to watch her daughter. 

ROCKY and KAREN…..

I want to say this now so that it does not get lost in this rabbit hole of a story. Rocky was a great dog. He was a Rottweiler and hound mix that I got from the humane society in Corpus Christi after his 4+ year stay. My brother used to say, “Rocky has a lot of that junk yard dog in him”. He did have a little moxie. I walked him daily and worked with him on his behavior issues. Aside from being a little too protective in the house or truck when strangers were around, Rocky turned out to be one of the best-behaved dogs I have ever known. We traversed from Corpus Christi to Northwest New Mexico to Tucson, and although I didn’t fully realize it at the time, he helped me in ways that will stay with me forever. I had to have him put down a few years ago. If I am being honest, that still hurts a little. Rocky ended up being the perfect dog for me for where I was in life. The reason I am rambling on about Rocky is that I believe in finding “therapies” to help me get through tough times (more about therapies later). In my opinion, dogs are one of the best therapies you can find. They really are man’s best friend. I am currently not in a place in life where I can get another dog, but I will get another (probably two) when my spot in life allows me to do so. 

I used to walk Rocky daily. One day, I ran into a woman named Karen while I was walking Rocky. Karen was new to the area, and she was walking her dogs as well. Karen was close to my age and initially we seemed to have several things in common. Soon, Karen and I became “friends” and started hanging out together 2-3 times a week. Karen and I stayed friends for 3-4 months. Which was long enough for us to get a sense of each other’s past. I don’t know how to explain this exactly, but I started to feel like Karen was/is some kind of counterintelligence person. Whether it was the questions she was asking, or the way she acted or some of the things she did. She was kind of a “walking contradiction”. Almost like she would forget she had told me one thing and try to back track…..just really weird. Soon after we met, Karen told me how her second (late) husband had passed. Although at this point, I am really not sure the story is true. Regardless, out of respect for him I will not mention it here. I will say that she mentioned this at least 5-6 times in the short time I knew her. What is really weird about this is that she told me that she had told almost everyone from her hometown that he passed from a heart attack to avoid the ridicule and judgment. Yet she tells “the real story” to someone she barely knows, several times? I still don’t know what her reasoning was for doing this. It was almost like she was trying to get me to trust her, and reveal something?

Karen and I were still “friends” the first time that I watched Susan’s daughter. Karen and I would go places and do things during the day, but never just hang out at each other’s house during the day. That was always in the evening or at night, and she was adamant about not staying the night or being at my house in the morning. She might leave my house at 2am, but she would never stay till morning. So, it was a huge shock when Karen showed up in the morning the first time, I was watching Susan’s daughter. 

Susan came by and dropped off her daughter and stayed less than 5 minutes, being sure to tell me that her daughter’s diaper needed changing. Seriously?? You are going to drop off your daughter with a dirty diaper to a guy that has no experience with toddlers or changing diapers and then bolt?? When you know someone for 12-13 years, you know when they are acting differently. Susan was acting differently. Literally 2-3 minutes after Susan dropped off her daughter the doorbell rings and it’s Karen. A woman that is never at my house in the morning is at my door just to say hi? I was of course dumbfounded….
“She just dropped off her daughter with a dirty diaper and then left”. Karen was very helpful with the whole diaper changing and then we talked for a few minutes, and she left. I didn’t put too much thought into it at the time. Susan continued to “Susan”, and she asked me to watch her daughter on Fridays periodically. I ended up watching Susan’s daughter 3-4 times after that. Although, I think she may have only been in diapers a couple of those times. Somewhere in this period of time, I ended my “friendship” with Karen.

I had started feeling like I was being monitored on my company, and personal cell phones. There was a lot of “parroting” or mocking of things I said while in the company truck or on my cell phone (the mocking was done by coworkers). Then there was the false relationship with Karen and trying to figure out what her intentions were.  Add to this, the low T issues and it was enough to drive me mad. Susan started asking about things at work. Specifically, why I was so angry and saying how this wasn’t like me. To be clear, I never talked about specific work things with Susan. Susan’s ex-husband (Adam) used to be a weatherman for a news agency. Two of the producers that used to work with Adam at the news agency were now working as media personnel at “The Company” that I worked for (small world). I believe this is how Susan got her information about me at work. 

Things are starting to get weirder…..

Susan starts asking me to watch her daughter……..a lot. In the past she would call 2-3 days ahead of time, as if she was in a pinch. However, now it’s weeks ahead of time, and she would call a couple times a day. I ignored the calls and let them go to voicemail, but now it was every day for several days. I start to think of all of the weird crap that has happened to this point. Something was definitely wrong with this. I am not sure what their intentions were. I do know that there is no way I was going to put myself in a position to be accused of doing anything inappropriate with a child. I met with Susan and told her that I would never watch her daughter again. I ended our friendship shortly thereafter. I believe the relationship between Susan and “The Company” employees are how Susan and her daughter got further involved in this. I honestly don’t believe Susan would have tried to “entrap” me on her own. I truly believe someone else convinced her to do this.

Prior to Covid I began going to a group workout for a while. A little background, I had visited my brother in San Antonio. He has been actively involved in a group workout for several years. I joined him for one of the classes, and I really enjoyed the cardio aspect of the class workout. I had been going to the gym for a while at this point, but I was really lacking a cardio routine. I hate doing cardio and the group setting made cardio seem so much easier. When I got back to Tucson, I looked for a group workout. I found one and joined immediately. The classes were held in a park. This class happened to be all women except me. In addition to the group cardio aspect, I joined this group to take my mind off of this ridiculousness that my life had become. I felt that this would give me a reprieve from the constant head spinning. If it was only 4-5 hours a week, that was 4-5 hours of positive energy that I didn’t previously have. Three or four months after I joined this group, I was at the workout one day when a woman named Valarie told another woman that I was looking at Amy’s vagina (Amy was the workout instructor). I was absolutely mortified, and I adamantly deny doing that. She (Valarie) then turned around for the next exercise, as she was across from me (I can only assume so I couldn’t look at her vagina?). I can be pretty naive sometimes. Although in my defense, how do you handle some of this stuff? In my naivety I stopped going to the group workouts and text Amy that I would no longer be attending classes. Instead, I should have made a huge scene and called Valarie a Fucking Liar!! 

One day I got an email at work. The email was for me to sign and agree to company policies. I had to sign one of these a couple of years prior. One of the pages of the email referenced personal electronic devices. The page in reference, basically said the company has the right to monitor all personal electronic devices that are brought onto company owned property. I sent an email to the CEO, and HR telling them that I thought that this was extreme and inappropriate. I also said that I thought it was ridiculous that, in order to keep my job, I would have to sign a form allowing the company to not only monitor my personal cell phones, but to disseminate any conversations to employees that have no business in my personal affairs (referring to being mocked for things I would say on my cell phone). The CEO emailed back within the hour asking me to contact his personal assistant to set up a meeting with him based on his schedule. I did.

At the meeting, after a little small talk, the CEO said something that struck me as really weird. He said, “I know you worry about what the ____ (a particular group of field techs) think about you”. Again, really weird, to which I replied “I don’t give a damn about what they think about me. I choose my own path in this world”. He then quickly pivoted the conversation. I felt that most of the rest of the meeting was a lot of “lip speak” with him telling me what a good tech and valuable employee I was. We started talking about my privacy concerns. He came across as flippant when he asked “how would we do that” referring to the monitoring of personal cell phones (almost condescending or tongue in cheek like). He said that the company had no intention of monitoring personal devices and that they would rewrite the policy. After several months, they did.

I want to say it was maybe 2-3 months after meeting with the CEO that “The Company” shut down due to COVID.  Which meant that almost everyone from “The Company” was “working from home” except for the operations and field techs. We were still working our 4-10’s. 

At this point, having asked coworkers that I felt were involved in this (several times), what their intentions were? Also, I had told those that I believed were involved in this to stop. In addition to the meeting with the CEO about this. I WAS DONE. I decided to let them know exactly what I thought of them. I told the CEO/General Counsel and their minions using my monitored phone exactly what I thought of their nefarious, cowardly actions. I did this several times using some choice language. I didn’t care, I was done putting up with this BS. I thought “if I am going to be oppressed by those cowards, why not let them know exactly what a giant pile of pig feces I think they are”. If I am wrong and I am going completely crazy, then they wouldn’t have known I said it anyway. I honestly feel like this is a major reason the oppression got worse and has continued to this day. As if the bruising of ego’s and having the audacity to stand up for myself is reason to continue with their cowardly agenda. 

Toward the ending of the Covid shutdown period, I spoke with two different harassment attorneys. The first attorney I spoke to was over the phone due to all the Covid shutdown stuff. It was a pretty useless meeting. She was very dismissive of any concerns I had. The second meeting was a few months later and it was in person. I told both of them about the monitoring of my personal cell phones, and home network, about how I would be mocked at work about things I would say on phone calls. I told them the whole Susan and Kim backstories. I didn’t tell them the snap chat or whatever cell phone thing (at the time I hadn’t yet figured that out). At the in-person consultation, I mentioned to him about the weird stuff that had happened at the home improvement part time job. He was very specific in that he told me that it was not my employer that was doing this. How the hell would he know that? So somewhere there is an investigation/smear campaign, and whoever is behind it can speak to an attorney about this before I do?

Finding Therapies….

Have a little patience with my rambling. There is a point here. 

My head was constantly spinning. I used to describe it as “looking over my shoulder, waiting for the next sucker punch to hit me in the mouth. Yet I have no idea what I am looking for”. I was very stressed. I worked second jobs for several years. It wasn’t about the money. As crazy as this will sound…I worked part time jobs as a kind of therapy. How the hell does that make any sense? Again, my mind was racing ALL THE TIME. I was constantly trying to figure out what this was about, who was ultimately behind this, and what their agenda was. I was being mocked for things I said in my company truck or on my cell phone. This led me to believe that “The Company” were/are involved in this. I needed an outlet. What could I do? Working out at the gym was a good outlet. Planning and cooking meals was another. Prior to this I would have some idea what I was going to do for meals for a couple of days or so. Having literally no life and being completely stressed out I would get takeout fairly often as well. Now though, I was putting effort into planning meals. Everything from making detailed shopping lists, to trying a recipe that I had never even thought of before.  Interestingly, and probably common sense, both the gym and changing my diet both really helped with my testosterone issue. As you can probably imagine, getting good sleep was out of the question. So, what else could I do? A part time job would allow me to go in and just work. Literally “just get lost in work”. Instead of having 3 days off with literally no social life, and my mind constantly racing. So that’s what I did. For several years I had a second job. It didn’t matter whether I was cleaning cars or stacking lumber. The fact that I made minimum wage at one of these didn’t matter either. Much like the gym, I could go in and just get lost in my work. Some may see this as avoidance from a problem. I completely disagree. When you don’t fully know the extent of what is going on, or even if you do and can’t afford (financially or mentally) to deal with it at the current time; get a hobby, a part time job, a dog, take up gardening, volunteer…. whatever. Find something you can get lost in for some time. Allow yourself a reprieve from whatever difficulties you may be going through, and for whatever reason cannot deal with presently. It really is therapeutic. Other people may not understand it. Who cares? Some things in your life are not for others to understand anyway. 

I really like gardening…always have. It is genuinely therapeutic. Before I thought about getting a part time job I used to garden and build redwood planters. Like wooden, garden container planters. I would waste an entire weekend and probably $80-$100 building a 3’x2’x2’ planter (this was before the price of lumber skyrocketed). I would rip 2×6 into 2×3 and then glue and screw them to form the frame. I would then cut 6’ redwood pickets and screw them into the frame to form the bottom, and sides of the planter. Then I would rip pickets in half and screw them to form a reveal or crown effect that would hide the frame from the top. Finally, I would flip the newly built planter over and drill 3-4 holes for drainage. I built a shit load of planters. Why? Therapy. For a whole weekend I could plan, buy materials, and build a planter. More importantly, I had an entire 2-3 days, 10 hours a day, of blissful, “kiss my ass in the crack, I’m not allowing your hypocritical oppression bullshit to affect my mental wellbeing this weekend THERAPY”. 

I have been to counseling a few times in my life, and I do believe that when you find a counselor “that fits you” they can be extremely helpful in dealing with whatever issues you may be going through. I also believe that therapy can come in many forms. As ridiculous as it was, at this point in my life, planters were my therapy. As I said, I built a lot of planters. I used planters to grow tomatoes, squash, onions, potatoes, citrus trees, all kinds of peppers, I even had two avocado trees. I gave planters to neighbors, “friends”, workout group ladies, and people I didn’t even know.

Why am I going into detail about how I built garden planters? Why am I talking about challenging myself with new recipes and meal prep? I can’t describe how absolutely desolate my life was at the time. I can’t explain how frustrating it was to know there was some outside entity screwing with my life, and I couldn’t figure it out. I am going into detail on what some may see as mundane topics to possibly help someone who is reading this. Someone that may be going through a tough time in life and can’t currently figure it out. FIND YOUR THERAPY.

I want to reiterate a point here. During my time spent building planters in the garage…did my neighbors think I was crazy? Did I care? Nothing against my old neighbors, but if I am right about this smear campaign (and I am pretty sure I am) my neighbors thought a lot less of me for other reasons. My point here is not to talk badly about my former neighbors. My point is this: what you may be going through, and the way you are dealing with it (provided your dealing with it is not detrimental to yourself or others) MAY NOT BE FOR OTHERS TO UNDERSTAND. 

My therapies used against me…..

Shortly after my rants to the CEO and his group, the tactics seemed to change. Now, I am starting to notice really weird stuff. Like a manager at a grocery store and two of his employees flanking me throughout the store. Women at restaurants laughing hysterically in my face at the to go counter. Similar experiences with people at the gym and at the UPS store that I use. WTF??!! 

Around this time, I was working for a large home improvement retailer. I worked nights on the weekends in the lumber department. I would typically go in an hour or two before closing and work until 5am. Initially it was a great part time job. I worked in the lumber department alone which was fine for me. Forklifting large bundles of lumber, hand stacking existing bundles, arranging sacks of concrete; whatever. A month or two after I started, things got weird here too. A couple of times someone in a group of people would yell “pervert” from across the store. One night, as the store was closing, two women employees were closing up the registers in the lumber department while I was consolidating returned lumber on a cart. One of the women said to the other “don’t stay over here alone, there’s that guy”. I was literally the only other person in the lumber department. 

Was Valarie’s lie at the group workout part of some phishing expedition or smear campaign? What were the intentions of Susan and why would she use her daughter in this? What was Karen trying to do? I’m being called a pervert and women are scared to be around me at a place I work by people that literally know nothing about me. I am being laughed at and ridiculed by total strangers in restaurants? People are acting similarly at the gym. I’m flanked by a manager and his employees at a grocery store. I am certain that my personal cell phones are compromised. What is the point of all of this? What is the connection? There is no way this is all coincidence. 

It took me a while to figure this out (again I can be so naive sometimes) but I finally realized that either my phones have been cloned or there is media on my phones that I cannot find. Think of snapchat, or a similar app, sending an embarrassing picture or video of me to people in my vicinity without my knowledge or consent. For the record, I have never used any of these types of Apps. This would explain the people acting weird at the gym or restaurants. It could explain the grocery store manager and his employees monitoring me. Assuming someone complained that I was sending inappropriate pics. It might even explain some of the things from my time at the home improvement retailer. It doesn’t explain why the home improvement store manager would allow this to happen and not reprimand me or terminate my employment (even though I didn’t send anyone anything from my phone). I would think if other employees were getting unwarranted or inappropriate pics from my phone this could cause the company a sexual harassment suit. It also doesn’t explain why Valarie would accuse me of something I didn’t do. Nor does this help to clarify Susan’s or Karen’s actions. I am sure there is more to their cowardly actions than just cloning my phone to humiliate me. Although, I am certain, the pics/video being sent to people in my vicinity is absolutely happening. This has happened in a multitude of places in Tucson, and in several different places that I have traveled to in Texas. I am also sure it has happened more times than I am aware of. I have two phones, and this happens regardless of what phone I am carrying. After I realized this was happening, a couple of years ago, I tried to stop it. I have changed phones, sim cards, phone carriers, phone numbers all to no avail. The people behind this ridiculousness have a lot more money and resources at their disposal than I do. 

How could they be doing this? Why are they doing this? What is their ultimate goal here? Why would coworkers, managers, and places I patronize allow something like this to go on? Why wouldn’t someone say something to me? After all, the way I carry myself and act towards others is the complete opposite of some jack wagon sending inappropriate pictures to people in public. What if there was a legal investigation against me? Would this cover a company if a coworker at a workplace, or a fellow patron at any other establishment complained about being sent inappropriate pictures? What about some type of “anti-PR” company? Is there such a thing? Do people actually hire companies to smear someone? Some of the part time jobs and gyms that I have been associated with are large corporations. Would a large corporation take the word of an “anti-PR” firm, and allow an employee or patron to be harassed if there wasn’t some type of legal aspect to this? Assuming there is an “anti-PR firm” involved, how are they funded?

[Anti-PR company; think of the companies or political action committees that are responsible for the smear campaign ads around election times].

Putting it all together….

“The Company” that I worked for is part of a bigger network that is considered critical infrastructure. The General Counsel of “The Company” is the manager of a department that is responsible for overseeing physical and cyber security of company assets. Being critical infrastructure, the company has the ability to request federal law enforcement assistance for anything that is perceived as being a threat to company assets. Whether that be someone trying to break into or compromise physical infrastructure or someone attempting to implant malware on a critical server. Could someone that has been under severe stress and having bouts of anger/rage be “legally investigated” as a potential terrorist? Could they have pointed out an embarrassing mistake I made and pictures on a laptop as reasons to have a person “legally investigated” for being a sexual predator? Regardless of what the reason is, General Counsel would be the liaison in a request for any law enforcement/investigative assistance. The CEO would obviously be aware of such a request. Both the CEO and General Counsel of “The Company” are lawyers. 

So now I’m thinking that a legal investigation could potentially allow a person like me to be monitored everywhere I go, and anything I do. A legal investigation would allow my phones and network to be infiltrated and monitored. A legal investigation could talk to and possibly be involved with my neighbors. A legal investigation could talk to and possibly be involved with any gym I am a member of. A legal investigation could talk to and possibly be involved with an employer of a job I may hold. A legal investigation would turn someone like me into a pariah. There is a stigma associated with being investigated. Add to this they have embarrassing pictures and or a video of me. Along with the fact that I had pictures on my laptop. I believe they also have several recordings of my rants and outbursts. If I am right, then this would explain the harassment attorneys that I spoke to being completely dismissive of my concerns. With one of them willing to take my money, unwilling to help me, and being definitive that it was not “The Company” that was behind this. After all, if everything I do on my phone’s, and home network is being monitored then the people behind this will have spoken to any attorney that I set up a consultation with prior to me meeting with said attorney in the first place. However, I don’t think a person involved in a “legal investigation” would clone my phone and send unauthorized and unwarranted pictures to people in my vicinity without my consent. Now I’m thinking “this is a multifaceted campaign”.

I sent a cease and desist letter to “The Company” CEO. In this letter I outlined my concerns. I also sent two other letters to “The Company” CEO and General Counsel. Neither “The Company” CEO or General Counsel ever replied to my letters. I did get one response from the initial letter I sent. The response came from the HR manager. However, some of my questions/concerns were never answered. I have added a copy of the letters at the end of this blog. 

I spoke with the HR manager at her request after dropping off the first of three letters to the CEO and general counsel. Initially, she asked several questions. I started to feel like she was phishing to find out how much I knew, and I told her that. I told her that both the CEO and General Counsel were involved in this quagmire and have been for years. I told her, I felt like the CEO and General Counsel need to be exposed. She then told me she had a moral and legal obligation to act on behalf of the employee. She asked me what I wanted her to do? I told her that my goal is to get this out of their controlled environment and to get this into a legal hearing or court of law. I thought it was weird for her to ask me what I wanted her to do. If she has a legal obligation, she shouldn’t have to ask me anything. However, if there is a “legal investigation” then she is likely unable to do anything.  

After sending the three letters to the CEO and General Counsel, questioning their involvement and knowledge of this ridiculousness, I was fired. For the record, at this point I was definitely not the model employee. I worked for a union shop. Many current and former coworkers slept on the job or spent more time looking for ways to get out of work instead of just working, and others were dissension creating jackasses. Knowing this, I had no problem being a lazy employee. I simply could not put in a hard day’s work for a company that I felt was literally involved in making my life a living hell. “The Company” had every right to fire me. They also had the same right to fire me for the prior 2-3 years. Yet they only chose to exercise their right to terminate my employment after I figured things out and started asking pointed questions? To be fair, not all of my former coworkers were lazy or dissension creators, but several were. Additionally, I have never been considered a lazy person or employee by anyone I have worked for (including minimum wage or part time jobs I have held). Obviously, the circumstances here were different.

As far as being fired, I didn’t even ask why I was fired. I am not even upset about being fired. I am completely pissed off about the years of ongoing oppression that I have endured to this point.  At my exit interview, my former supervisor and the Human Resources director both repeatedly implored me to review the severance package/offer with my lawyer. Seriously, in an interview that lasted less than ten minutes, I heard that 4 times. Were they trying to “crawfish” out of this by having a lawyer tell me that the severance package seemed legit and appropriate? Of course, the severance required me to sign an NDA (non-disclosure agreement). Essentially, forgoing any chance of ever exposing this ridiculousness by agreeing to never speak negatively about “The Company” or talk about anything that has happened during my time associated with “The Company”. To sign an NDA would literally be giving the CEO and his cronies dominion over the rest of my life by revoking my right/ability to expose this and relenting to their continued oppressive tactics. There will only be one man that has dominion over my life, and he died on a cross 2000 years ago. As far as the severance, I believe the amount I was offered was an amount that the CEO was allowed to give without having to get the board’s approval. I cannot imagine that all of the board members would have been aware of, involved with and in agreement with all of this. Interestingly, I was writing a letter to the board on new year’s weekend when I had a significant physical setback. More on that below.  

Too young to be in a retirement community….

How do I start this? At 51 years of age, I was living in a retirement community for a couple of years. I was staying in a trailer that was almost ready to be condemned. What’s more is that I was paying rent to Karen as she owned the trailer. I had gotten back in touch with Karen a couple of years after we stopped talking. My thinking was:

• Karen is part of whatever this scheme is, but this time I was sure of it (There is a lot more about Karen than I am going to go into here).
• I was going to try and find out what this was all about. 

What I found out….. Karen is definitely part of this, and I don’t believe she could be objective if her life depended on her being so. Anyway, Karen had this trailer and we talked about me buying it from her. Why would I buy a piece of crap trailer in a retirement park at 51 years of age? Again, at the time I knew there was some kind of entrapment, conspiratorial, slanderous, whatever plot against me. With all that had happened up to this point I knew it was happening. I just couldn’t figure out exactly how or why they were doing this. Was all of this because I had an embarrassing mistake at work, and I had pictures on my computer? No way. I couldn’t figure out what their end goal was with all of this. I felt like I had been a pariah for years. I had no local friends, or “allies”, and this smear campaign was everywhere I went. I sure as hell wasn’t moving on or running from this. I was convinced that would make me look guilty of whatever they were trying to plot. Besides, what if I leave and this crap follows me? So, I was going to buy the trailer. If I bought the trailer there would only be the annual lot costs and I could reseal the roof and throw some cheap linoleum down on the floor. All told I would save myself some money over the course of 2-3 years until I could find a way to figure all of this out. More importantly, my neighbors could likely hear me peeing in the toilet when they were outside. It was perfect. Those behind this BS could continue their sadistic crap. I had nothing to hide, and I was living like I had nothing to hide. Things were going to work out just fine.

I told a buddy of mine and my brothers about my plan to buy the crappy trailer. They likely thought I was crazy. As always, they were supportive; “You do you man, sounds like a great idea”. Did the BS follow me here? It did. I got a lot of “stink eye” from folks from Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan and many other snowbird states. I lived there around 2 years, and the management would always do this weird temporary 6-month pass thing. They never had any information about a lease for me from Karen. It was just weird. Almost like I was intentionally disassociated from the park somehow. Just really weird.

Anyway, as I said before, my phones and network are monitored. So instead of selling me the trailer. Karen decided she wanted to rent it to me. After all, why do something that is going to help me when you can put the screws to me? Didn’t matter to me in the bigger picture. Could I have saved money by buying the crappy trailer instead of renting it? Would I have been resealing my roof instead of resealing Karen’s roof that she refused to have someone come and do? Were the floors so warped it was like living in a fun house? The answer is yes to all, but I didn’t care. My goal was to be in a place where I couldn’t get away with anything (not that I was trying to). More importantly, I couldn’t be accused of doing something that I didn’t do. So, I paid rent to a woman that was/is literally involved in making my life a living hell, and that did suck. I stayed in that funhouse floor having piece of crap for just over 2 years until mid-February of this year. 

A Health Issue….

I was fired from “The Company” on November 30th, 2022. When I left “The Company” they offered me a severance package. I had 3 weeks to review and agree to the severance. There was also a week to rescind my decision should I have agreed to it. In total that is 4 weeks. After a week or so of thinking it over I decided I was not signing the severance. “The CEO can take his check, wrap it in bacon, and shove it up his ass” I thought. There is no way I was going to finally be figuring this out, with all I had been through, only to let this go at this point. Not to mention, I was pretty sure those vindictive morons would continue their sadistic tactics if I moved anyway.

For tax reasons, I was planning on moving some money around after the first of the year, and I had intended on moving from “the condemnable trailer” sometime in January. I also wanted to write a letter to the board of “The Company” and relay some of the concerns and issues that I had with “The Company” CEO, and General Counsel. I was sure that they were both involved in this ridiculousness, and I was pretty sure that the board did not know the extent of it (assuming they knew anything at all). I was intent on letting them know. I waited until New Year’s weekend to write the letter to the board. I wanted to gather my thoughts. I also wanted to wait until after the holidays so that each board member would be back to their working routine post new year, and my letter wouldn’t get lost in the pre-holiday mele. 

So, I wrote my letter. I reviewed it, edited it and I was content with how I came across. I was feeling good. It was New Year’s Eve. A couple of weeks prior I had started working at Walmart stocking shelves a few nights a week. I didn’t care. All I needed was enough to help with groceries and electricity, internet, cell phone bill etc. I figured I could make rent payments for at least a couple of years if I had to. I was honestly less stressed than I had been in years. I felt like “even though I don’t have a finite resolution to whatever this is; I feel some kind of closure”. It was a great feeling as opposed to that feeling of “looking over my shoulder, waiting for the next sucker punch to hit me in the mouth. Yet I have no idea what I am looking for”. I was texting with my brother about the college football championship games for a little while. It was about 8:45-9:00 pm. 

I went to the bedroom and as I passed the window the room started spinning like I was on a tilt-a-whirl. It was crazy. I lied on the bed for maybe a minute thinking it would help but it didn’t. For some reason I felt like I should lie on the couch. I was pinballing, bear crawling, bouncing off walls to get to the couch. It had less coordination/balance than my worst drinking binge. I haven’t been a big drinker in years, and I hadn’t had any alcohol today. I was only on the couch for what seemed like 2-3 minutes when I knew I was going to be sick. I crawled to the bathroom, and I proceeded to evacuate the contents of my stomach for 30 minutes. I then laid down in the hallway outside the bathroom and next to a trash can where I continued to vomit (even though there was nothing left in my stomach) periodically until the next morning. I have never been this sick. I couldn’t keep any water down. Although, I have never had it, I thought “I must have food poisoning”. 

I am an extremely independent person so please know that I am not feeling sorry for myself here…. I didn’t think this was severe enough to call an ambulance. If I am being honest, I also didn’t want to pay an ambulance and emergency room bill having just lost my insurance. Not having any friends or allies locally I was not going to ask one of the neighbors who despised me to take me to the hospital. “I will call 911 if it gets too bad” I thought. So, I decided I would tough this out for now. The next morning, I was still kind of dizzy, my balance was still way off, and I had a throbbing headache. I stumbled to the freezer and got an ice pack, and a bottle of water. I dragged the trash can to the side of my bed, and I tried to sleep. The next day, I was feeling better, and I was able to keep down water. My balance was better, but still not right. I would sway and stumble a little, but I could lay still and watch tv or be online and I was fine. Post Covid I started keeping 3-4 weeks’ worth of provisions (water, canned food, soup, and Gatorade/Pedialyte packets whatever). I had plenty of electrolytes, soup, broth, crackers etc. The headaches were persistent, and my balance still wasn’t normal. This did scare me a little. By day 4 my balance was much better, but I would stumble and catch myself if I tried to walk fast or stand up too quickly. I still had the headaches. I called a couple of naturopaths. The first was booked for a couple of weeks. The second one I called had availability the next week and I made an appointment. I didn’t want to go with traditional medicine and get a couple of big pharma prescriptions for what I thought was food poisoning. It’s day 5, my balance is better, and I am now able to drive. This gave me some mental relief. By the second week I was fine except I still had late night-early morning headaches. I started going to work again. After a few days at work, I was bothered by the fact that when I would stoop over and then stand, I would get this weird head pressure feeling. Obviously, I had missed a week of work with all of the sickness issues, but at this point I told the manager I would not be able to work any longer. I needed to get back to my normal self. 

The headaches were really weird. Initially I had just frontal head pain. Over the next three-four weeks, the headaches and pressure would build from late evening into early morning, usually right side both front and rear, but sometimes left front as well. After about 4 weeks or so the headaches were gone for the most part. I would still have minor head pain every 2-3 days. Eventually the headaches stopped altogether. In addition to the headaches, after about 2-3 weeks after I got sick, I started having this cloudy or fuzzy feeling. During the entire sickness period, the only cognitive issues I had was that cloudy feeling, and every once in a while, it would take me a second to find the word I was looking for (if that makes any sense). When I had this fuzzy or cloudy feeling, I just felt like I was a ½ second slower than normal in my thinking. It’s kind of hard to describe.  After about week 5 maybe 6, I stopped having any head issues altogether. By this time, I had had an electrolyte infusion, blood work, and minerals/supplements from the doctor. He had scheduled me for an MRI without contrast which I went to. The results of the MRI came back with some potentially troublesome but inconclusive results. He then scheduled me for an MRI with contrast for my head and another MRI with contrast for my neck. After all of the MRI data was reviewed the findings were that I had a “mini stroke”. You never know what’s around the next corner in life, I guess. I feel like my old self again now. If you met me today, you wouldn’t know I ever went through anything like that.

So, I am just going to put this out here and you can think whatever you want of me for doing so…. 

• It is possible that after all the years of stress and anxiety I was due to have a “mini stroke”. Over the years I have certainly been stressed through this ordeal. 
• It is possible that I would have had this medical issue if I hadn’t been through this stressful period of time in my life as well. 
• It is also possible that on New Year’s Eve, just past the deadline for the severance period and having just written (but not yet mailed) a letter to the board of “The Company” expressing my concerns about the cowardly, maniacal, and potentially criminal behavior that I believed both the CEO and General Counsel are both aware of and involved in, as well as feeling less stress than I have in years, something unnatural caused me to have a “mini stroke”.

Something like this:

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2021/10/havana-syndrome-sees-uptick-in-cases-concerns-and-questions/

This following is an excerpt from the article linked above (news.harvard.edu):

Then one night, he woke up in his hotel room with vertigo-like symptoms.

“The room was spinning. I had a blinding headache; I had ringing in my ears; I felt like I was going to be physically sick,” said Polymeropoulos. “This was pretty alarming and frankly, a scary incident, because I’d lost control.”

Back in the U.S., he sought help for what he first thought were lingering effects of severe food poisoning. From neurologists to infectious disease specialists, none were able to offer a conclusive diagnosis, and his health grew worse throughout 2018.

How to handle all of this….

There is a lot of emphasis put on mental health awareness these days, and rightfully so. With drug addiction, suicide, and active shooters being part of the world, we now live in, it is imperative that people feel like there is somewhere they can turn. It is also, in my belief, the responsibility of coworkers, supervisors, management, and human resources to reach out to an individual that may be in need of help. Interestingly, through several years of ridiculous oppressive tactics, I never once had any of the aforementioned reach out to me. As I mentioned earlier, I had several angry outbursts while at “The Company” as well as a few bouts of road rage in a company owned vehicle. I mentioned to coworkers several times about my extreme stress levels. I was never contacted or had anyone at “The Company” reach out to help me in any way. Very likely, in my opinion, that some/if not all of these outbursts were used to support their narrative against me. Having been treated like a pariah and having been oppressed for the better part of a decade at this point, no one will convince me that some of the suicides today and possibly even some who have committed violent crimes against others have not been treated similarly. To be clear, I do not advocate violence against other human beings, and I am not now, nor have I ever been suicidal. I do feel as if I have been tried and convicted in the court of public opinion. I have been completely stressed out attempting to figure all of this out. After having been through all of this, I can see where someone who needs the validation of others or maybe a person in a very vulnerable point in life and having been illegally and immorally oppressed for years doing something they would normally not do. To emphasize, I do not advocate or agree with suicide or violence against others. There are reasons why so much emphasis has been placed on mental health awareness the past several years. 

Interestingly, sometime after my outburst/rants at “The Company”, and after I told the CEO and his minions exactly what I thought of them and their cowardice, “The Company” hired a full-time armed security person and started implementing periodic active shooter training. These are warranted things to do in today’s world, but looking back, the timing of doing so is suspect.

All I have wanted for years and continue to want today is my right as an American citizen to due process. This same right is given to pedophiles, murderers, rapists, human traffickers, and all sorts of other criminals. Keep in mind some of these people are multiple (2x and 3x) offenders. Yet they are afforded due process. “How bad of a person do I have to be to not be afforded the same right”? Due process is defined as the fair treatment through the normal judicial system, especially in a citizen’s entitlement. It is designed to prevent unfair/uncivilized treatment and to prevent endless “legal investigations” that amount to bullying and oppression. I believe there are several reasons as to why I have not been and will not be afforded my right of due process. Specifically, I believe those behind these cowardly, nefarious actions have no intentions of ever filing charges or trying to get this to trial. I honestly don’t think there is anything to try me for in the first place. The several years of bullying and oppression has been nothing more than an attempt to drive me away and allow those that are behind this to cover up their cowardly actions. I have no intentions of doing that. My goal is to expose this maniacal behavior, and those behind it. As well as hoping that sharing my experience may cause some changes that could prevent someone else from going through something like this. I believe similar experiences have happened to others and will continue to happen if action is not taken.

I have tried to follow the laws/rules that are designed to help and protect American citizens. I have spoken to 2 harassment attorneys. I have spoken to a criminal defense attorney. I have sought the help of a private investigator. I have spoken to HR. I have sent a letter to company board members. All in an attempt to get some of my life back. I have changed phones multiple times, changed SIM cards multiple times, changed phone numbers 4 times, changed carriers. All to no avail. All I want is to get this out of their controlled environment and into an environment where I have some rights. After all, this is exactly why due process was created. There is a loophole in this process in that if there are never any charges, and yet there is a “legal investigation” then a person in my position does not have any rights. I am not sure what the statute of limitations on whatever something like this is. Or if there even is one? All this for what? 

I am not sure if the rules or code of conduct is the same for corporate attorneys as opposed to trial lawyers. I do know that the two attorneys that have been involved in this quagmire are involved with several professional and industry organizations. I do believe that those organizations would agree with the boundaries of professional conduct set by the American Bar Association.

The Evolution of Model Rule 8.4 (g): Working to Eliminate Bias, Discrimination, and Harassment in the Practice of Law (americanbar.org)

The following was taken from the American Bar Association website (link above). 

It is professional misconduct for a lawyer to:

(a) violate or attempt to violate the Rules of Professional Conduct, knowingly assist or induce another to do so, or do so through the acts of another;(b) commit a criminal act that reflects adversely on the lawyer’s honesty, trustworthiness or fitness as a lawyer in other respects;(c) engage in conduct involving dishonesty, fraud, deceit or misrepresentation;(d) engage in conduct that is prejudicial to the administration of justice;(e) state or imply an ability to influence improperly a government agency or official or to achieve results by means that violate the Rules of Professional Conduct or other law; or(f) knowingly assist a judge or judicial officer in conduct that is a violation of applicable Code of Judicial Conduct or other law.(g) file a notice of change of judge under Rule 10.2, Arizona Rules of Criminal Procedure, for an improper purpose, such as obtaining a trial delay or other circumstances enumerated in Rule 10.2(b).

Ariz. R. Prof’l. Cond. 8.4

I believe that in being aware of and involved in the malicious actions that have been detrimental to my life for several years, “The Company” CEO and General Counsel are guilty of (a) and (c) above. In addition to this, I believe that in using/coercing Susan to involve her daughter in this that they may very well be guilty of (b) as well. I am not sure if the goal of involving Susan and her daughter in this was to have Susan plant spyware on my laptop/network and phones. Possibly their intentions were more insidious, like a plan or attempt to “entrap” me in some kind of inappropriate behavior with a child (which I adamantly deny that I would ever do). Whatever their reasons or intentions were doesn’t really matter. You cannot (either now or plan to do so in the future) smear me, pay someone to smear me, or use a “legal investigation” to smear me as a sexual predator or pervert all while KNOWINGLY and WILLINGLY put a two-year-old female toddler (that was in diapers for some time) in my care. This would have to constitute some kind of child neglect or child endangerment. Regardless of the depth of their malicious intentions, the behavior/actions of these two lawyers have at the very least been counter to the actions and behavior they are expected to uphold. 

If someone told me that this nefarious, and cowardly activity against me would stop tomorrow, I would tell this story anyway. This has been completely exhausting and humiliating FOR YEARS. It would be so easy to just move on with my life. No one will not convince me that I am the only person in the US today that something like this has happened to. In my opinion, there are way too many weak men in positions of power that will abuse the power of their position to cover their cowardly deeds. This type of behavior may continue to happen to other people anyway. This type of behavior will certainly continue to happen to others if it is not exposed. 

I cannot get any reprieve from this. Not because I am the terrible person that I have been portrayed as. Keep in mind I am literally begging to be prosecuted or whatever needs to happen for me to get this quagmire into a legal hearing or court of law. They will never give this to me. This oppressive bullying has happened for years because I have caught on to their nefarious actions, and I called out “The Company” CEO, General Counsel and their goons for who they are. 

I believe that the ridiculous oppression against me has amounted to nothing more than the personal vendetta of a couple of weak men that don’t have the stones to do their own “dirty work”. Instead, they have figured out a way to have someone else do it for them, all while abusing the power of their positions. I also believe there is a good chance that this ridiculousness, at least in part, has been carried out USING YOUR TAX DOLLARS. 

I no longer worry about being judged in the court of public opinion. I have embraced my failures and I have forgiven myself for them. As I said before, this can be hard for me to do anyway. However, having been mocked and ridiculed repeatedly for years for the mistakes I have made and being constantly reminded of those mistakes, made it very difficult for me to do so. It has been a trial to keep my sanity while learning to embrace my failure. The most difficult part of this whole ordeal was feeling like I didn’t have a voice. Those that have been intent with their unrelenting oppression have a much bigger voice than I do. Based on my experiences with all of this, no one cares about how I carry myself, or my work ethic, or how I treat them in person. The bigger voice had already spoken, and oftentimes it felt like no one cared what I had to say or wasn’t paying attention to what I was saying anyway. It doesn’t matter whether anyone believes/doesn’t believe my story. This blog, and the people it reaches, is my voice. After years of not having one, it feels good to have a voice again.

For me, growth happens on the periphery, on the edge, when it feels like I am going through strife alone, when things are generally uncomfortable. This is when I grow. Although this surreal experience has been going on for years, I am growing. Whether it is compassion or empathy for others, or realizing and rearranging what matters in my life, I am growing. 

I am spending my own money to fight this. I declined the company settlement and refused to sign a non-disclosure agreement. I refuse to back down from this. As humiliating and humbling as my situation has been, this story needs to be told. This story is being told. I am not looking for money. I am looking for some sort of justice. I don’t know who to contact in order to implement a cease-and-desist order. Nor do I know how to get this ridiculousness into a court of law. If nothing else, I am looking to get this story to someone that has a bigger voice than I do. If you have any advice, resources or contacts that you feel would help me to get this story out or help me in getting some type of legal or judicial involvement please let me know. If you know anyone that is going through a difficult period in life, and you feel that my story will help them in any way, please pass this on to them.

First Letter to CEO

To _______, CEO ________ (the company)                 9/7/2022

Mr. _____,

As you know, I have been an employee of the company for the past __ years, and before that I also worked for the company from ____ – ____. I can’t say the past __ years have been the best experience of my working career. I have spoken with you in the past about your policy of recording/monitoring personal cell phones. I was specifically concerned about how the monitoring of personal cell phones, and the information gathered is disseminated to other employees, and people outside of the company that have no business in my or others personal lives. You said you would review the policy and make changes to it. You also said that we would meet again after the changes were made to review the changes. You did make the changes to the policy, but you did not talk to me about the changes you made. You are the CEO, and this is your prerogative. 

I am aware that we work in an industry that is governed by specific laws to protect the integrity of _____. This being the case, I am also aware that I may not have the expectation of privacy for my personal cell phone. For the record, I am again saying that I disagree with my personal cell phone as well as my home network being monitored. Specifically, I disagree with the way information is disseminated to support one’s confirmation bias or support a narrative. To be clear: I do not authorize monitoring or recording of my personal cell phones or home network, and I certainly do not authorize information gathered to be disseminated to those that are not authorized or have no business in my personal affairs. 

Several years ago, I did something on the company property that I couldn’t be more embarrassed about. I also know that this instance was “caught on camera”. I realize that you have an obligation to protect the reputation of the company and provide a safe environment for your employees. This instance has caused a tremendous amount of stress in my life. Not only because I am extremely embarrassed about it, but also because this along with things I have said on my personal cell phone both on and off of the company property, and possibly things that have been gathered by monitoring/hacking my home network have been disseminated to other members of the company, members of other affiliated companies, several part time jobs I have held, several gym’s that I have attended, and any community and neighbors where I have lived. 

To be clear, this has been going on for years. As I stated earlier, I realize that you have certain obligations to your employees and the company. However, at this point, this activity seems very nefarious in its intent. To put it bluntly it feels much more like oppression than harassment. I am not sure if there is another entity (legal or otherwise) that is involved with this. I am also not sure if your intentions started out as being noble, and then changed to vindictive or if that was the intent from the start. What I do know is this has been going on for YEARS! I am writing this to tell you to cease and desist from any activity that could be construed as damaging to my reputation or character. Obviously, if there is a legal entity involved in this ridiculousness then there is only so much you can do. However, a picture or video of me that was taken on your property being sent to any and every place I go in the community seems to me like an ulterior and nefarious motive. Combine this with the gossip and what has amounted to a complete smear campaign of my character, and this has much more to do with a vendetta than it does with “protecting the company and its employees”. 

I have reason to believe that the location from my cell phone is being used to alert people in close proximity via text message with the above-mentioned picture or video. It is also possible that the picture or video of me is being sent from my own phone without my knowledge or consent. Again, I do not agree, condone or authorize any of this activity. Regardless of who is doing it or how far you try to go to separate yourself from this nefarious activity, some facts are undeniable.

• The picture and or video came from the company property.
• There is absolutely nothing but malicious intent in doing this.

I am stating this again: Cease and desist with any activity that could be construed as damaging to my reputation or character. Again, I do not authorize you, any member of the company, any third party, any other persons in any way connected to you or the company, or representatives of yours or the company to monitor my home network or personal cell phones in any way that is not in accordance with the federal laws or the laws of the state of Arizona. Also, I expect that any information legally obtained to only be disseminated to authorized persons in accordance with federal law and the laws of the state of Arizona. If I have any sort of right to know or freedom of information of anything concerning me that has been gathered by you, any company member, any of your representatives or other investigative parties that I am legally entitled to, I expect you to notify me of this and allow me access to any and all information. 

Finally, if there is another entity involved or has previously been involved in any investigation concerning me that you are aware of, I formally request a copy of the investigation, or any document or contract legal or otherwise that involves me. I have not been notified of any investigation that I am involved in. Again, if you are aware of any such instance, I am requesting that you furnish me a copy of any documents, agreements or contracts that you may have related to this matter. Furthermore, I know that you have a strong relationship with _____ (related company) as I believe you recently served as a member of their board. If you are aware of any entity that is currently or has previously been involved with _____ (related company) in any investigation concerning me, legal or otherwise, I am again formally requesting a copy of any agreements, contracts or investigation related to this matter. 

Please use my mailing address for any correspondence:

Nicholas ______

Third Letter to the CEO

To _____, CEO _____ (the company)               11/30/2022        

Mr. _____,

On 10/11/2022, _____ (HR Manager) responded on your/ the company behalf to my letter to you (dated 9/7/2022). In doing so, she stated that to your knowledge you are unaware of anyone at the company accessing my personal cell phone or computer. She also stated that you are unaware of anyone outside of the company accessing my personal cell phone or computer. Thank you and _____ again for your response.

I continue to believe that there is an ongoing “smear campaign” against me. I also know that some of the things being used in this are directly related to the company. Having said that, I am again asking: Is there now, or has there been in the past any investigation legal or otherwise concerning me, and also involving the company that you are aware of? Is it possible that there is now or has been previously an investigation concerning me involving the company General Counsel and/or the _____ department that you are unaware of?

Moreover, seeing as how this activity against me has been ongoing for several years, this would cover the period in which you served on the board of _____ (affiliated company). Are you aware of any investigation past or present, legal or otherwise concerning me and also involving _____ (affiliated company)?

For clarity, I am asking: To your knowledge, is there currently an investigation or has there been any past investigation concerning me and also in any way involving the company or _____ (affiliated company) to include contractors, third party representatives, government or law enforcement entities?

I have not been notified of any investigation that concerns me, or that I am involved in. If you have any knowledge of any investigation past or present, legal or otherwise that concerns me, I am requesting a copy of any documents, agreements, contracts, and findings that I am legally entitled to. I am specifically concerned with who authorized the investigation, on what grounds, and (if currently active) how long has said investigation been ongoing? In the case of a past investigation, how long did the investigation last?

This is the third time I have asked you for a response to these questions. Considering what I have been through the past few years, I feel like I am well within my right as a citizen of the United States and the state of Arizona to ask for a response from you to these questions. I will continue to do so until I get a response from both you and general counsel. 

Please use my mailing address for any correspondence:

Nicholas ______

Letter to the Board Members

Dear Mrs. _____,

Note: The use of Mr. _____ in this letter is in reference to _____ CEO the company.

My name is Nicholas _____. I am writing to you today to express my concerns about _____ CEO of the company, and _____ General Counsel the company. I was employed by the company from ____ – ____. Prior to that I worked for the company from ____ – ____. I was fired on November 30th, 2022. I am including several documents along with this letter for reference to my concerns.

The last several years of my life have been beyond stressful. My name, reputation, and character has been smeared in literally every aspect of my life. As I stated in my letter to Mr. _____ dated 9/7/2022…. I continue to believe that there is a smear campaign against me, and this has affected every aspect of my life. I believe that this slanderous attack of my character has not only affected my reputation at the company, but also has been disseminated to members of other _____ (related companies), several part time jobs I have held, several gym’s I have attended, any community/neighbor’s where I have lived, medical professionals that I have consulted, and in a “roundabout way” even stores and restaurants that I frequent.

Through all of this there were times where I was beyond stressed. I always knew Mr. _____ (CEO) and Mr. _____ (General Counsel) were involved in this nefarious activity, I just couldn’t quite figure out how they were doing it. I thought maybe Mr. _____ (CEO) hired some kind of “Anti-PR firm” (like those political action committee type things you see on commercials around election times) and that yet may be part of it. However, that doesn’t explain why a big corporation (several of the gym’s and part time jobs are large corporations) would risk a harassment or defamation claim based on gossip or hearsay. However, if there is an active investigation from a legal/law enforcement entity then they are most likely covered from such a claim.

Both _____ CEO and general counsel _____ being lawyers are going to continue to avoid answering my questions and continue to deny any involvement in what has now been several years of this cowardly, nefarious activity. However, I continue to believe that all of this started with both of them (Mr. _____ and general counsel _____ ) and it has escalated over the years while Mr. _____ and general counsel _____ both were involved in it. 

Moreover, seeing as Mr. _____ is the CEO of _____ (type of company) that has ties to the _____. I believe that he has the authority to request Federal law enforcement assistance if he deems necessary. I think general counsel _____ would be the “point man” on such a request as he is also the head of the _____ department. I believe that Mr. _____ and general counsel _____ have levered this authority to their advantage in order to not be culpable in this situation. In addition to this, I believe that there was some additional activity that Mr. _____ and general counsel _____ were aware of and/or involved in that is also criminal as well.

We live in a country that has an immigration crisis, any town of over 50,000 people has a homeless opioid or methamphetamine addict on every corner, public schools have to worry about students/children being shot, and yet this is a logical and prudent use of the American taxpayers funds?? Seriously, a couple of megalomaniacs with an axe to grind???

As I stated above, I believe that CEO _____, and general counsel _____ are aware of and involved in some things that may be illegal/criminal, and are certainly unethical, immoral and inappropriate for two people that took an oath to be anything but that. They are culpable, and I have never been as dedicated to anything in my life as I am in exposing these two cowards. 

As a member of the company board, I believe you have the responsibility to investigate this matter. Having received this information, to an extent, you are culpable as well. I have no interest in hurting your name or reputation (I have been on the receiving end of that for several years), but I will stop at nothing from exposing these two cowards for their nefarious, malicious and, what I believe, are criminal actions.

I have asked direct questions (several times) to both Mr. _____ and general counsel _____ about any investigation concerning me and their involvement in said investigation. They have refused to give me an answer. I believe there has never been any intention of giving me due process. Obviously if I were afforded any kind of due process there would be some sort of questioning or cross examination of both Mr. _____ and general counsel _____ under oath, and they were never going to allow that to happen. Which is to say, for the last 5 years or so, my reputation has been damaged and my life has been utterly miserable. This has happened under the protection of some “legal investigation” which essentially has been nothing more than a “legalized smear campaign”. Which of course is illegal. 

I ask you…in a country that affords due process to child molesters, serial killers, human traffickers and all sorts of other sordid criminals…How bad of a person do I have to be to not be afforded my right to due process by not one, but two lawyers?

I am now asking you, as a member of “The Company” board, to give me answers to the following questions.

I continue to believe that there is an ongoing “smear campaign” against me. I also know that some of the things being used in this are directly related to the company. Having said that, I am again asking: Is there now, or has there been in the past any investigation legal or otherwise concerning me, and also involving the company that you are aware of? Is it possible that there is now or has been previously an investigation concerning me involving the company General Counsel _____ and/or the _____ department that you are unaware of?

Moreover, seeing as how this activity against me has been ongoing for several years, this would cover the period in which Mr. _____ served on the board of _____ (related company). Are you aware of any investigation past or present,  legal or otherwise concerning me and also involving _____ (affiliated company)?

For clarity, I am asking: To your knowledge, is there currently an investigation or has there been any past investigation concerning me and also in any way involving the company or _____ (affiliated company) to include contractors, third party representatives, government or law enforcement entities?

I have not been notified of any investigation that concerns me, or that I am involved in. If you have any knowledge of any investigation past or present, legal or otherwise that concerns me, I am requesting a copy of any documents, agreements, contracts, and findings that I am legally entitled to. I am specifically concerned with who authorized the investigation, on what grounds, and (if currently active) how long has said investigation been ongoing? In the case of a past investigation, how long did the investigation last?

This is the fourth time I am asking for a response to these questions. Considering what I have been through the past few years, I feel like I am well within my right as a citizen of the United States and the state of Arizona to ask for a response from you to these questions. I will continue to do so until I get a response. 

This story is going to be told. How you as a board member, and the board collectively handle this situation is obviously part of the story.

If you care to investigate this matter internally, here is a list of names that I would start with. Assuming you investigate this matter internally, I am requesting a copy of the questions asked, to whom they were asked, and their responses to said questions. I may no longer be an employee of the company, but my concerns about this matter were raised well before I was terminated.

_____, CEO 

_____, General Counsel 

_____, Human Resources Manager

_____, _____ Department Supervisor 

_____, _____ Department

_____, _____ Department/IT Supervisor

_____, _____/Field Operations Supervisor

_____, Communications Engineer

_____, IT/Former _____ Department

Former Employees 

_____, Human Resources Manager

_____, Human Resources

_____, IT/_____ Department Manager

_____, _____ Department (name may not be spelled correctly)

_____, IT/_____ Department (name may not be spelled correctly)

_____, IT/_____ Department

I expect that you will investigate this matter, and inform me of your findings. Please use my mailing address for any correspondence.

Nicholas _____